


You're Toxic

by VenusV



Series: And under the moonlight, I'll forgive you [5]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Canon Compliant, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Multi, Nbin, Polyamory, RaBin - Freeform, They love each other, boyfriends all of them, navi - Freeform, shouting, wonshik doesnt like it that hakyeon moved out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-02-26 14:30:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18718972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VenusV/pseuds/VenusV
Summary: They had fought before. A lot . It was only natural when six men lived together for years. But this time they may not make up__





	1. Your're poisonous

**Author's Note:**

> this is bonus chapter of rabin making out...before i make them fight in the next chapter. navibin is coming

Hongbin was in a word, tired. It was not easy living with 5 over grown men who didn’t clean up after themselves. Hongbin didn’t mind, cleaning up, he enjoyed doing chores and house work, it helped his mind in more than one way and he rather do everything himself than take help from one of his house mates who were in a word walking disasters when it came to doing anything that wasn’t sleeping, eating or lazy-ing around, so Hongbin preferred to do everything in the house himself. 

The dishes were all clean and the floors swiped, the shoe rack was back to its organized form. Hongbin checked off the list of works in his head as he dropped his body unceremoniously on his bed. 

His phone rang, a message, the another. If it was Sanghyuk, he should tell him to bring something over to eat because the fridge was empty or food for a few days. Hongbin thought of what to eat, swiping his lock open. 

ShIk-iee. 2 messages. 

It read.

Brought badass to the studio.

M bored. Butt won’t play. He hates daddy.

Hongbin couldn’t help but smile rolling his eyes. The elder was such a drama queen and a good actor when he wanted something. He was going out after all today, he though as he got up from bed, and went through his closet. He needed to shower.  
\--

After 40 minutes, Hongbin was already pressing the code on the door lock of Wonshik’s studio. Once inside he made his way quietly through the corridor, if someone was having their big inspiration time, he was not gonna ruin it by being loud with his feet.  
Wonshik’s studio was always dark, Hongbin hated it. Today too, as Hongbin opened the door to his room, it was dark, just the pink neon sign that said “the crack kidz” lighted on the glass window, that had a beautiful view of the city. Hongbin liked that about the studio, it was small, dark, stuffy, and messy but it had a great landscape and after a few years, Hongbin came to understand why it felt like home to Wonshik. It wasn’t better than the dorm but it was small and ….maybe because it was Wonshik’s own place, that’s why he preferred it over the shared residence. 

Wonshik, as expected was not in the small lounge. Hongbin took off his shoes, and set the bag of fried chicken he picked up on the way here on the little table in the little kitchen that only had a stove and a few plates.

Hongbin, not wanting to disturb the other, slowly turned the door know, he did came unannounced, but Wonshik looked like he wasn’t doing anything important. His back was towards the door and he had his head phones on, his feet kicking back and forth and little with the music. Butt was most probably in his lap but Hongbin couldn’t see his front.

He gently shut the door and crept behind the other man, his mind was already in his evil mode, this was gonna be fun. 

Maybe Hongbin shouldn’t have laughed this hard when the older man jumped and screamed at his little “boo” but it was such a sight to see and the expression on Wonshik’s face were priceless. Hongbin couldn’t help himself and almost had tears in his eyes. The rapper was total scardey cat. That hadn’t changed over the years.

“Bin ah…you…my heart is beating at light speed!” Wonshik said the last part loudly, eyes wide and still scared.

“That’s over exaggeration”. Butt had detached himself from his owner and was now demanding attention from Hongbin clawing at his feet. Hongbin scooped the dog up after he stopped laughing and the dog started licking his face. Now it was Wonshik’s turn to laugh, he knew Hongbin hated when pets licked faces, and the grin on Wonshik’s face said “serves you right” 

 

“How are you here?” Wonshik asked joining him on the couch in the lounge, as butt made himself comfy on hongbin’s lap. He liked the dog, maybe liked it even better than Wonshik, but he seriously didn’t like getting licked but it was forgivable still. Hongbin cooed at the dog as he scratched at his back.

“you made it too obvious that you wanted me here, you loser” Hongbin supplied not looking up because he knew that he came partly because he missed Wonshik and wanted to see him, but he didn’t want to give that satisfaction to him.  
“I never said that, I only said I was bored” Wonshik was teasing; his tone said he was and Hongbin was fighting the blush that was creeping up his cheek.

“I brought food you ungrateful fool, get it here, I worked for hours today I’m hungry” Hongbin was glad there was a topic to change to, he couldn’t live through the embarrassment of admitting he missed the other.

“Okay, I’ll get it before you decided to eat me instead, grumpy” Wonshik snickered getting up. 

“You’re not tasty, I would take chicken over you any day” it was comfortable, Hongbin thought, they could bicker for hours and not get tired  
“how do you know how I taste, Jaehwan bites me all the time, he never complained” Wonshik said, pouting and god damn it he looked cute, with his puppy dog eyes and bangs falling to his forehead, he looked extremely fluffy in that sweater that looked new  
“You’re over cooked and bland, the day I bite you with my teeth will be the day I die of food poisoning” Hongbin had bit Wonshik on several occasions but that wasn’t the point here.

“Small mercies that I’m not minced meat yet” Wonshik walked over dragging the small table from the center of the room to place in in front of the couch. Hongbin leaned back, still scratching butt, as Wonshik set the table with plates and poured drink into the paper cups. Hongbin hated paper cups. 

“Seriously though, were you bored or did you really come here because I asked” well, at least Wonshik admitted he asked, which Hongbin knew he did, they didn’t need to say the specific words, they could read between the lines.

“I’ll assure you I had more than enough activities to occupy myself in the empty house, but I knew you were probably gonna sulk if I didn’t came over”  
“Empty house huh…you were lonely then” Wonshik teased and Hongbin put his drumstick down just to hit the other on his arm  
“Ow! I’m fragile, be careful” Wonshik said, pouting again, in a tone that was copyrighted Jaehwan. It was cute with Jaehwan but it was deadly with Wonshik. 

Hongbin snorted repeating “fragile”. “Do you even know what that mean, you’re a fucking brick, I can throw the table at you and you won’t break”  
“Look who’s talking, you’re stronger than me, you’re stronger than all of us” Wonshik smiled, wiping his mouth. He ate fast. “And please don’t throw the table”

“Hakyeon hyung is stronger, I’m just wide” it was a fact, Hakyeon was stronger, even when he looked so small.

Wonshik seemed to have gone quiet and Hongbin had a few ideas why.

“Hyung and Taek hyung talked, hyung said Hakyeon hyung cried” Hongbin said quietly, the atmosphere had gone down from comfortable to sad.  
“Again?”

“He cried longer, hyung said….hyung said he was crying, because he though we hated him” Hongbin has whispered the last part but he heard the small gasp that escaped from the order’s mouth. Who was now sitting tensely on the other side of the couch, his hands on his tights, he looked small for some reason and Hongbin new him well enough to tell he was sad. 

“he didn’t say anything on Friday and woonie hyung said he pestered this out of him too, he didn’t want to talk, but when he did he asked hyung if they we were gonna stay forever and not break apart because of what he did” Hongbin was now sad himself, he tried not to remember how he cried the night Hakyeon had come home and cried his heart out in the lounge, it hurt to see him that way, and it hurt even more to know he had something to do with the leader’s sadness. 

Hongbin was the one who told Wonshik about that night too, because the rapper was not coming home lately so he wasn’t there that day, he might as well be the one to tell him of the things Taekwoon had told the yesterday. No matter how much he wanted to not think about it. It was stressful, Hongbin wasn’t ready to apologize, he was too angry with Hakyeon, but at the same time he wished he could stay mad but the older wont cry or blame himself. Hongbin needed to be mad at someone because that meant he could keep himself from being sad because that hurt more. But knowing Hakyeon was crying and beating himself, Hongbin felt guilty but his head still didn’t know how to stop feeling like that.

Wonshik was quiet. He was playing with the hem of his shirt, he didn’t look sad anymore, his face was plain. Hongbin studied the other, from his place until Wonshik looked up at him “hyung is overthinking, he’s too sensitive, what was he thinking of living alone when he can’t even keep himself together at the thought of the future of us” and Hongbin told himself it wasn’t coldness he felt in Wonshik’s words. Maybe it wasn’t coldness, maybe it was sadness, because he definitely felt that too. 

“Are you gonna leave?” Wonshik asked after a few minutes getting up from his place. It wasn’t a question, but it wasn’t a statement either.  
“Should i?” Hongbin smiled knowing very well that the other didn’t want him to

“Let’s not talk about anyone for a while okay” that was apparently Wonshik’s answere as he took a couple of step towards him and lowered himself to hongbin’s face level. He was getting ideas, the blush on his face made it obvious.

“Now you show your true intentions” Hongbin grinned looking up slightly at the other before he let out an involuntary gasp, result of Wonshik’s lips catching his own. How he hated being taken by surprised but he didn’t break the kiss. that was the signal. Wonshik had sunk down to his knees, his hands wrapped around hongbin’s neck as he tugged the younger down a bit to deepen the kiss. Hongbin let his hands circle around Wonshik’s shoulder as their lips moved smoothly against each other, practiced, precise. It wasn’t new for them; they had kissed each other enough to move their lips without even thinking. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t great sensation every time they kissed. It was different, every single time, new, and Hongbin would be lying if he said he still didn’t feel his stomach swoop when he was kissed, by Wonshik or the others. Like always, Hongbin had taken charge of the kiss, he nipped on the other’s bottom lip, biting a little because Wonshik liked that, and was earned a surprised gasp from the other. Hongbin slipped his tongue inside the other’s mouth when it opened, rewarded by a little moan as Wonshik’s grip tightened on the younger. Wonshik’s mouth was not a new place, but Hongbin always explored it like it was an adventure. After a while of soft kissing, it turned frantic, it always did between the two of them, Hongbin had slipped his hands under the other’s arms to tug him back to the couch, and now they were fighting for dominance as Hongbin pushed the other on the couch slowly, not breaking the kiss once, he was already sweating, he noticed Wonshik was too, when he ran his finger in the other’s hair. 

It was safe to say that only kissing Wonshik could turn him on alone, but then again they did kiss like no tomorrow, fighting with their tongues, teeth cackling, biting lips, it was too familiar but always new. It always felt like fireworks kissing Wonshik but it felt familiar, like home. Wonshik tasted like expensive wine, Hongbin would never admit it, but he could get drunk just by kissing him. Hongbin liked it. Always did.  
He was now straddling Wonshik; the older had his back on the couch, pulling Hongbin closer and closer by tugging at his collar. Hongbin’s ironed cotton shirt was gonna get wrinkled but surprisingly he didn’t care.

It didn’t take long before they were panting heavy; Wonshik was sucking a hickey on hongbin’s neck while Hongbin found his mouth opening more with every kiss the other left on his neck. He knew he pulled too hard on the other’s hair when Wonshik sucked at his sensitive spot but Wonshik didn’t complain. … Hongbin was gonna have a few hickeys to hide now and Sanghyuk was gonna tease him for letting Wonshik leave those on him.  
Maybe Hongbin would have complained about the couch bring small, and whined about how he hated making out at any place that wasn’t a comfortable big bed, but Wonshik was kissing down his neck as he opened the buttons on his shirt, paying attention to all his sensitive spots and Hongbin though, he can let it go just this once…..


	2. Your words cut like glass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just some navibin emotional feels before the big finish. Sanghyuk, poor baby tuck in the ,middle of these losers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> un beta-ed

If there was one thing Hongbin hated in his life, was having a dust allergy.  And that was saying a lot because Hongbin hated a lot of things, but his allergies topped them all.

 

He felt a bit of fever last night and woke up sweaty around 4 am, but it didn’t hit him then that he was about to get sick badly. Now he was sick. It had been hours since Sanghyuk left for school. Hongbin didn’t leave his room all night or in the morning but the voices from outside suggested Taekwoon hyung was home for a while before he left. Jaehwan left too, for his practice so that meant only Hakyeon was at the dorm.

 

Hakyeon had come in apparently, in his room last night, and maybe it was lucky that Hongbin was showering at that time so he didn’t have to face the elder.  When he came out he saw the glass of milk on his bed side table, it could also have been any other member who left the glass, but the small tray, and the net cloth used to cover the glass suggested it was Hakyeon who left it. No one else was this domestic to do these little simple things.

 

Maybe Hongbin would have been disappointed that he was showering when the other came in, but in that moment he was relieved. They had been walking on egg shells with each other for too long and even though Hongbin noticed Hakyeon was making amends one by one with the other, he knew it was his time soon, safe to say he was not ready to have any kind of conversation just now. He was angry and sad, he didn’t want to either snap or cry In front of Hakyeon.

 

Now he was sitting in his room, he never really had breakfast so that wasn’t the problem. The footsteps coming from outside suggested Hakyeon was doing house work. Every time the sounds of his feet got closer to hongbin’s room, his hearty slowed down, but Hakyeon didn’t knock even once. Hongbin felt like a coward, for hiding, but his throat was already hurting from all the coughing, it was a miracle Hakyeon hadn’t heard him coughing, and his fever was rising, even without a thermometer Hongbin could tell. Maybe he should go out and take medicine.

 

 -

 

Hongbin was lying on his stomach, trying very hard to complete the level of _racer zoom_ , even when his head hurt from all the 3D movement, when he heard the dorm door open, then close in seconds.

 

Hakyeon had left. Hongbin felt bad for the relief he felt at the sound of the door.

 

He should probably go out and eat something, before someone came back; it wasn’t just Hakyeon he wanted to avoid. He got sick last month too, Hongbin didn’t want to worry the other members either, they got worried a lot whenever he got sick, and their fussing never helped.

 

 

Hongbin was waiting for the microwave to stop; The only thing he found in the fridge was fried kimchi rice from yesterday, when he heard his phone ring.

 

Caller ID

**Shik-iee**

 

Well, Wonshik was one person Hongbin didn’t mind talking to right now, he hoped he wouldn’t cough on the phone, because even if Wonshik wouldn’t fuss over him or nag him, he would still be worried.

 

 _“Bin ah”_ Wonshik greeted from the other side. A smile crept up hongbin’s face, it feels  always great to hear his deep voice. Wonshik sounded like he was in a good mood.

 

“Yeah, was up?” Hongbin replied, his throat hurt incredibly from only those words.

 

“Nothing, just finished the track, the R&B one I sent you last month, we’re done with the guide.” It was usual for Wonshik to call him and tell him about little things like these. Hongbin admittedly had less interest in music than the other but he was always up to it if Wonshik asked for opinions. Like last month, Wonshik let him hear a R&B track he started.

 

“That’s great Shik, send it over and I’ll let you how you did” hongbin’s voice was very scratchy to even his ears, so no wonder Wonshik picked it up

 

“What’s up with your voice?” Wonshik asked, ton worried

 

“Nothing, throat is a little sore” no point in lying, Hongbin thought.

 

“Ok, I was gonna come home tomorrow so I’ll let you listen to it, I want to hear what Taek hyung has to say too”

 

“ah, hyung was here this morning, but he left early” Hongbin had said before he fell into a fit of coughs, his throat felt dry, but coughing so hard had blurred his vision. He lowered the phone so Wonshik wouldn’t hear much. His head was spinning as he made his way to the water dispenser.

 

“Bin ah?” he heard the other call

 

“you okay?” worry was clear in his voice, Hongbin tried to juggle both the phone and the glass with one hand while he gripped the kitchen counter to keep himself steady, his head was spinning and he couldn’t stop coughing. But then, trying to put the phone to his ear he dropped the glass of water to his feet, Wonshik must have heard it because there was a desperate call of his name from the other side before the line cut off. Great, not there was glass all over the kitchen floor and a worried Wonshik. At least the coughing had stopped.

 

Hongbin out his phone on the counter before kneeling down to pick the broken pieces from his feet, apparently a shred had cut through the skin below his left thumb, it wasn’t deep, Hongbin didn’t even knew it was there because it hadn’t hurt but the cut was bleeding.

 

Maybe it was the fever but Hongbin let out a loud groan, thankfully no one else was there to hear him loose it.

 

-

-

After cleaning the glass on the floor, and pouring himself another glass of water, hongbin’s feverish body had no strength to clean his cut or go through the medical box to find himself medicine.

 

Hongbin sent a quick text to Wonshik after he laid down on his bed, _to stop his head from spinning,_ telling him he was okay. The other didn’t reply. Hongbin hopped he wasn’t worried much.

 

There were no cough drops in the house, so Hongbin sent a text to Sanghyuk asking him if he could pick some on his way back. His body was aching; there was no way he could make it to the pharmacy without collapsing. He hated being sick.

 

\--

 

Hongbin didn’t know when he drifted off but when he woke up it was by the sound of beeps, Someone was pressing the lock code. Sanghyuk was home, maybe Hakyeon was with him. It was selfish but Hongbin wanted someone, specifically Hakyeon to wrap him in his arms, his weak body was asking for some warmth that’s all Hongbin knew.

 

“Hongbin?” the voice was familiar but not Sanghyuk’s or Hakyeon’s. Hongbin sighed, he suddenly felt bad for worrying Wonshik. Enough that he came over.

 

The door to his room was slowly being opened before a black mop of hair popped in, if Hongbin had energy he would have called the incomer cute, because Wonshik’s round worried eyes and his lips forming a pout made him look like a sad puppy.

 

“Are you okay?” Wonshik asked stepping in. Hongbin only nodded in return, pushing himself to sit up. Wonshik was at his side in an instant pushing him back down but the other let out a loud gasp as soon as he touched hongbin’s body.

 

“You’re burning up, oh my god” Wonshik whispered.

 

“I’m okay—“

 

“No you’re not; you’re burning up, Hongbin” Hongbin voice was loud as he put a hand on hongbin’s forehead then his neck. “Why the hell did you not say you were this sick?”

 

Hongbin shouldn’t have but he rolled his eyes but before he could say anything else the other let out another shriek. This time he was looking at the foot of the bed. Hongbin’s eyes trailed to the other’s line of sight….hongbin’s feet. He didn’t clean the cut, and the blood had dried around the cut making it look nastier than it was.

 

“I’m fine, it doesn’t—“ Hongbin was once again interrupted.

 

“You’re burning up like you were sitting on a stove and you bled, and didn’t even clean it up, What if you get infected?” Wonshik voice was unusually high now, ad angry. Hongbin’s feverish mind wasn’t processing the reason why he was angry.

 

“Wonshik was now straightening his pillow as he pushed Hongbin further back to lay down. “Stay here” he ordered before exiting the room. Where would Hongbin go anyway, his vision was clouded he noticed, maybe he was sicker than he thought.

 

Wonshik came back in with a medical kit on one hand and a glass of water in another. “you could have told me you were sick, I would have gotten medicine” Wonshik said lowing himself down on to the floor to hongbin’s side he slid one hand under hongbin’s head a pushed him up, before putting a tablet in his mouth, Hongbin swallowed it down before sipping on the glass of water the other put to his lips.

 

“I can move myself you know, I’m not dying” Hongbin joked as the other put his head down, but didn’t respond. He was angry still. If he was angry at Hongbin for not telling him he was sick, he was over reacting; Hongbin can take care of himself.

 

“How the hell am I supposed to know you aren’t dying if you don’t let me know after you cut the call off like that… “Wonshik murmured taking a seat by Hongbin’s feet and opening the first aid kit.

 

“What?” Hongbin asked. He did send a text though.

 

”you started coughing like crazy and wouldn’t answer me then you dropped something and hung up, how was I not supposed to worry?” Wonshik said putting the swap on hongbin’s cut. Hongbin hissed at the contact to which Wonshik mouthed al little sorry, not raising his head up. Hongbin picked up his phone from the bed side to see that he didn’t press send when he typed the message to Wonshik. He mentally cursed at himself. There was another message. From Hyuk saying he had cough drops in his room.

 

“Can you look in Hyukie’s drawer, he said he has cough drops there” Hongbin said lowing the phone to look at Wonshik, who had his lower lips tapped between his teeth as he gently put the medical tape at hongbin’s feet.  The cut was small even a bandit could have been sufficient. But Hongbin decide he shouldn’t anger the other any more than he already was, his mind was still hazy he didn’t want to talk anyway.

 

Wonshik didn’t say anything ask he packed the kit and left of the room. Only to return after a few minutes with a white cloth in his hands and a bowl of water, it looked like.

 

“There aren’t any drops there” Wonshik said sitting on the edge of the bed. Hongbin typed a message to Sanghyuk letting him know there weren’t any drops in his room as Wonshik worked in silence pressing the damp cloth to hongbin’s forehead. Hongbin could fuss about not being sick, and how Wonshik was treating him like a kid but it felt nice to have someone close to him. It wasn’t as good as a body pressed against him but it was still a lot.

 

“Why are you so careless about yourself” Wonshik asked, low voice.

 

“It’s part of my charms” Hongbin joked, in hopes of making the other laugh at least, he didn’t

 

“Does anyone even know you’re sick like this?” Wonshik questioned pressing the cloth

 

“I made sure no one did, no point in worrying them over something so trivial” Hongbin said closing his eyes, he really didn’t want to talk.

 

“Trivial? How is you heath a trivial issue?” anger was back in the other’s voice and Hongbin sighed.

 

“Believe it or not, I was fine a few hours ago, it was only coughing before, and the fever came just now”

 

“And it didn’t occur to you to take cough drops or call someone?”

 

“There weren’t any drops and I did tell Hyuk to bring them”  Hongbin realized he was angry now too, he didn’t like being babied or fussed over.

 

“you told him just now, you said you’ve been coughing since before, if Taekwoon hyung was home you should have asked him to buy medicine” Wonshik was angry too but Hongbin could feel he was fighting to keep his voice normal.

 

“Hyung left early, only one at home was Hakyeon hyung, but he left after noon so…” Hongbin said closing his eyes, he was feeling sleepy, the medicine was affecting.

 

“If hyung was home you should have asked him to stay, you fool.” Wonshik said, voice higher than before.

 

“one, i can’t deal with his nagging specially when I’m okay”” Hongbin said, a little harsh “second, I don’t want to worry him, he means wells but I have been avoiding him for weeks, and you want me to ask him to stay by my side?”

 

“Hongbin, your health comes first” the other’s voice was softer now “you aren’t okay, and I don’t think hyung would have judged you if you asked him to stay”

 

“I’ m fine” Hongbin replied pressing on his words. “He’s our with Sanghyuk, Shik, I didn’t want to stop him from going, he’s trying to talk to everyone and I wasn’t going to stop him”

 

Wonshik said nothing at that so Hongbin decided to add “I’m not in the place to ask him to baby sit me when I haven’t told him sorry yet”

 

“I haven’t either” Wonshik said, a whisper, but Hongbin heard it clearly. They avoided the topic last week in Wonshik’s studio, but they were back at it again.

 

“He’s probably gonna come home with Hyuk” Hongbin said, and Wonshik tensed at the words

 

“I can’t stay, I’m not gonna face him just yet” Wonshik said but he didn’t move to leave, but Hongbin knew he wanted to

 

“Stay, Shik, let’s get this over with, hyung’s hurting”

 

“So am I” Wonshik’s voice was loud but Hongbin didn’t complain. He felt like shouting too, this was frustrating.

 

“I –“

 

“Sleep Bin, I’ll stay, rest”

 

Hongbin didn’t argue, his head wanted to ask Wonshik to scoot down and engulf him in his warmth but he seemed to think the better of it. The older still seemed cross with him

 

It wasn’t even ten minutes later that Hongbin heard Wonshik clear his throats, wanting to say something but remained silent. Hongbin didn’t open his eyes, if the other decided he didn’t want to say it, Hongbin wouldn’t pressure him .

 

Whatever Wonshik was about to say was shoved off by the sounds of footsteps. How did he miss the door opening?  Hongbin groaned silently closing his eyes. Only hoping he’d keep his temper in check and not turn this into a shouting match.

 

Wonshik was still pressing the damp cloth to him, maybe he though Hongbin was asleep, when the door opened a little, revealing Sanghyuk’s face from the opening “hyung? “I got your drops, are you…”  the younger spoke before cutting himself off.  Hongbin couldn’t see his expressions but he could guess his eyes probably went wide like they always did in surprise

 

“Are you okay, is he okay?” the younger’s voice was worried and Hongbin internally cursed his allergies. Everything was their fault

 

“shh” it was Wonshik this time but he didn’t put much into it.

 

“Sanghyuk, is Hongbin okay?” a very familiar voice asked, and Hongbin suddenly felt being gravitated towards it. I had been long since he heard that beautiful soulful voice and all Hongbin wanted now was to go over to the leader and ask him to hug Hongbin till he felt better. Stupid fever was making him want all kinds of tacky affectionate stuff.

 

 “Hongbin, are you okay, oh my god you’re burning up, you should have called me, did you take medicine? Did he take medicine?”

 

Hakyeon was talking but Hongbin was not listening, just staring at the other’s face as he pressed his palm to his forehead.

 

“It’s just a little fever”  Hongbin all but groaned

 

“It’s not little, you were burning up even more when i came in” there it was, Wonshik’s anger filled voice again, not making the situation any less easy.

 

“Let’s get you to a hospital, Bin ah” And there it was, his voice filled with sadness and concern that made Hongbin both melt and angry, the older was too invested in them, he got too worried, it wasn’t really healthy for him

 

“I’m fine, hyung, really, don’t make a big deal out of it” Hongbin wasn’t sure why he said it that harshly, he didn’t mean to really but it came almost natural, Hakyeon never really took his harsh tone to heart but Hongbin couldn’t help but notice the pang of heart that went through the elder’s eye as Hongbin slid off bed to try and gain some composure, and get a glass of water perhaps.

 

There was clear worry on Sanghyuk’s face too when Hongbin glanced at him quickly and Hongbin felt bad than before.

 

It wasn’t even until his glass as half filed that Wonshik was in the hallway, making his way out and Hongbin wanted to stop him, but his words died in his throat when he saw Hakyeon coming from the same way the younger did, the door closed behind Wonshik but Hakyeon passed the hallway to open it again, and Hongbin heard an urgent call of the rapper’s name before Sanghyuk was standing in the kitchen entrance, giving Hongbin a look that was part worry part panic. Hongbin was feeling quietly the same. He pushed himself up from here he was leaning on the counter top to go to the door. Wonshik was standing at the elevator door, his head ducked down, and Hakyeon was saying

 

“we don’t need to talk about anything, Hyukie and I brought food, at least eat before you leave” there was somewhat of a pleading in the other’s tone that made Wonshik look up, he glanced at the leader than back at Hongbin, Hongbin nodded a little, almost unnoticeable.

 

And so they found themselves on the dining table, with two empty chairs, tension hamming over their heads as they ate in silence, occasionally Hyuk said a few words, but that was it.

 

“I’ll get the ice creams” Hakyeon quietly announced standing up from his place but he only took a step before he knocked over the table, the glass on his side fell down with a large splash sound and Hongbin was certain he heard Hakyeon wince in pain.

 

\-------

Sanghyuk’s phone vibrated in his pocket, he struggled a bit to get it out with his clean hand. It was Taekwoon’s message, some random video link of a cat, it looked like. nothing new. Definitely not as important as the crises he was facing. Well maybe not crises, they were just eating, in silence…tensed…quiet… not too bad

 

_“hyung, im 2 home eating with hyung and bean and rabi hyung! “_

 

_“it’s tensed, quiet! I’m gona scream!”_

_  
“why? Is sumthing happening?”_

 

The reply came immediately and he wasn’t sure what to write. Taekwoon wasn’t really all that good when it came to giving ideas or quick suggestions but he knew all there was to know when it came to Hakyeon and he beeped right on time. Sanghyuk just wanted to ease this tension somehow. Hongbin and Wonshik hadn’t even said more than a “good” when he excitedly told them about giving a good exam. Which was so unlike them, Wonshik would have already promised to get him diner to celebrate any other day. And Hongbin didn’t even give him the fist-bump; it was their thing, the fist-bump. Sanghyuk was sad he didn’t get his babying today, he pretended all the time that he didn’t like being cooed at or treated like the baby but he secretly basked in every fatherly/ motherly/ proud smile his brothers gave him. It made him feel like he was worth a million stars. His hyungs were good at making him feel he was precious.

 

Sanghyuk’s thoughts were interrupted by the falling of the glass. He abruptly stood from his place to go around the table. The glass had fallen on Hakyeon’s feet but thankfully he wasn’t hurt, but the impact must have hurt. Sanghyuk knelt down to pick at the bigger pieces of broken glass while Wonshik left for the kitchen, returning with a white cloth.

 

”I’m fine, I wasn’t hurt” Hakyeon said, his voice convincing as ever and Sanghyuk didn’t miss the growl Wonshik gave before kneeling down beside him.

 

“Stay still” Wonshik ordered cleaning the glass from Hakyeon’s feet

 

“I haven’t even moved an inch” Hakyeon said with a light chuckle and Sanghyuk smiled standing up, with glass gathered in his palms. He turned around but Hakyeon was speaking again

 

“I’m fine guys really” his tone suggested he was smiling even though Sanghyuk couldn’t see he knew he was trying to lighten the mood.

 

“The hell you are!” Sanghyuk jumped at the rapper’s sudden snap. He wasn’t expecting him to shout that loud, it made him turn around to see Wonshik was staring at Hakyeon who stared back, his eyes plain and smooth. Hongbin was looking between the two, eyebrow ceased in worry, waiting for one or the other to snap again.

 

“Why are you so upset today, Shik ah?” Hakyeon had spoken, soft, calm, a soothing expression on his face, like the younger hadn’t shouted at him just a second ago.

 

“Should I not be upset when all of you are so god damn reckless about yourselves?“  Wonshik  was loud, his eyes still looking directly in the man’s in front

 

“Don’t shout Wonshik—“ Hakyeon had said, in a voice that was slightly commanding before Wonshik cut him off again

 

“I’m not shouting, hyung, when you’re hurt, learn to say you are, when you’re angry express it! Don’t try to hide it in your leader mask, why aren’t you shouting at me back for being disrespectful?!” Sanghyuk suddenly wanted to be anywhere but here, but from the looks of it Hongbin didn’t feel the same, he was standing now, expressions dark, as he looked at Wonshik’s side, clearly wanting to intervene.  

 

“you want him to admit to being hurt when he’s fine?” it was Hongbin who spoke this time, voice leveled but sharp. The visual stood with his arms crossed on his chest, and Wonshik was taken aback no doubt from the look in his eyes. Maybe he didn’t expect the other to speak against him.

 

Wonshik sighed, after a few seconds which felt like minutes, rubbing the bridge of his nose he said “don’t start with me Bin, Ii was referring to you as much as hyung, neither of you know when to stop, always with the stubborn _I’m okay_ façade”

 

“I _am_ fine, Wonshik, it fell yeah, but it didn’t hurt me, and don’t be angry with Hongbin, he’s sick” Hakyeon said, seemingly tired as he slumped back down in the chair. Sanghyuk hoped that was the end of that.

 

“I’m not talking about just now! I’m talking about every time you do pretend to be okay, this isn’t just a onetime thing” Wonshik spoke, looking at the table, anger still his voice but he was much quitter now.

 

“this is my responsibly as leader, to not let any of my burdens show to all of you, I can’t go around crying about how my head hurts or how the production team is pressuring us to do better when it’s my fault to begin with” Hakyeon said, annoyance seeping in his voice, but he maintained eye contact with the rapper.

 

Wonshik rolled his eyes “it’s not your faul—“

 

“Yes, it’s your responsibility but that doesn’t mean you can’t share that with us, you don’t need to hide it all the time” Hakyeon looked mildly surprised when Hongbin spoke, as he walked away to the other side of the room.

 

“I don’t hide it at all! I’m not trying to keep stuff from you I just don’t want to say it out loud okay, why are we even suddenly talking about this” Hakyeon more or less snapped, but remained in his seat

 

“Yeah, you’re not keeping stuff from us” Wonshik scoffed, mocking almost dumping the glass pieces in the trash bin and Hakyeon’s eyes wen comically wide.

 

“What? What is that supposed to mean? What did I keep from you?” Hakyeon asked, his voice on edge, Sanghyuk could see he was ready to stand up, defensive all of the sudden.

 

“the fact that you weren’t comfortable living with us or the fact that you  wanted to cry but didn’t because of us, or the fact that that you wanted to move out for a long time?” Wonshik listed, now standing in the hallway, that connected the kitchen and the dining room, arms crossed.

 

“what—“ Hakyeon looked taken aback, not expecting this to turn the route it did perhaps

 

“we now what you told the public hyung, that you were burdened, you wanted to be weak and vulnerable but couldn’t because of us, maybe you were doing it for us, to keep us from worrying but seeing you cry would have hurt lesser that knowing you had to move because you just couldn’t take anymore” it was Hongbin turn now, he crossed his arms as he stood in his doorway, and Sanghyuk didn’t like it, both of them were standing like they were judging Hakyeon and it was intimidating.

 

“You didn’t think it would hurt to known you didn’t trust you enough to let us know you were hurting? “Wonshik spoke; his voice was thick all of the sudden. “It hurt damn bad to know we didn’t even know you were spending your nights crying on the couch, muffling the sounds so we don’t hear you”  the tears in the rapper’s voice were visible and Sanghyuk felt himself tearing up.

 

“it hurt even worse to know you were suffering from something, worrying about something, crying alone, than it did to know you were leaving,. It hurt to find out that the man I have been together for every up and down in my life didn’t trust me enough to let me know he wanted a shoulder to cry on, it hurt to find it all out, find out that one of us wasn’t okay through a fan letter!” Wonshik shouted the last part, not even trying to hide the tears that rolled off his angry face, Sanghyuk felt his own cheeks wet, and Hakyeon looked…stricken, surprised, like he was being accused of something he didn’t do. Hongbin simply looked plain.

 

For a few minutes the only sound in the room was Wonshik’s loud breathing before Hakyeon moved, standing but not going forward. He was looking down, Sanghyuk saw his feet shuffle on the white deep rug that they got from Philippine last year, when all of them were laughing as they strolled through the market trying to blend in but failing, how he wished he was back to that time right now, back with his five friends, brothers, lovers without any care, just laughs.

 

“I’m sorry, it’s not about if I trust you or not, I trust you all with my life” Hakyeon began, not looking up, voice thick, he wasn’t crying, yet but he would soon. “I’m sorry about moving out, I’m sorry about leaving—“

 

Hongbin spoke over the other, soft but not soothing ‘it’s not about you leaving hyung, it’s sad, it hurts, it doesn’t feel right, I’m angry with you, I hate you too, I don’t feel at home whenever I come back, its always missing something,  but it’s still not about that , not all of it anyway, it about you being distant, you need to know this hurts hyung, the lack of trust, you might say it wasn’t but it still was”

 

“But it wasn’t  —“ Hakyeon sounded pleading

 

“Hyung!” Hongbin was harsher now, but still not shouting “you though we would complain if you told us from the start didn’t you? We would ask you not to leave? Or we would say that it is our fault and you shouldn’t feel out of place, you though we wouldn’t want you to go?” it was a question but a statement too. Hakyeon didn’t reply, he stood, looking down

 

“and you were right, we would have asked you to stay, to find a different solution, but you didn’t ask us, didn’t rely on us enough to let you help, to let us in, maybe not all of us, not even Taekwoon?’ Hongbin asked, hurt reflecting in his voice and how Sanghyuk wished Jaehwan or Taekwoon would just come home to solve this. It wasn’t like they hadn’t had argument before, they fought, even worse than this, they had screaming matches, sometimes they would even throw thing, it was natural to fight and disagree when you live together, six men with different personalities and opinions, but it didn’t make fighting even civilly like this any easy.     

      

“I’m sorry” Hakyeon whispered

 

“don’t be sorry, you shouldn’t be sorry, you did that for yourself, were just left at the back to pick up the pieces you left behind, you left so you didn’t have to be sorry, don’t start now” Wonshik’s voice was cold and Sanghyuk knew he saw the hurt that went through the leader’s eyes at the words wasn’t fake.

 

“hyung-“ maybe it wasn’t his place to say anything , but he wanted to intervene before someone said something harsher than this. he didn’t want to sound like he was passing an order but that was exactly what he was doing, ordering the other to stop. This didn’t have to get bigger than it already had become.

 

 “You don’t have much room to talk Wonshik, don’t be rude like that, when you’re barely at _home_ yourself” Hongbin spoke, coldly, making finger quotes at the word home.

 

“Don’t drag me into this” Wonshik was taken aback no doubt; he spoke defensively, because he knew Hongbin was right. Sanghyuk though so too, if Wonshik was gonna argue about what was home and who was at home, he was in the wrong first.

 

“then don’t say anything on the topic, if anyone left this place, it was you, you left first, you don’t have to pack things completely to do that” Hongbin was calm, but cold, his eyes were narrow, judging the other, a stance Sanghyuk rarely saw him in, cold but contained, harsh but calm, it was dangerous, almost like acting a role, an evil Master mind role who planned on every scheme with a straight face and a wicked grin.

 

“Enough!” Hakyeon spoke, looking up after the first time in a while “don’t fight, Hongbin don’t say anything to Wonshik, you know he’s working hard, Wonshik, don’t shout anymore. It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have brought this up, I’m leaving” Hakyeon announced, calm again. His voice normal like any other day he would say _I’m leaving_   before heading out. “Sanghyuk, get the ice cream out and eat it with your brothers”

 

Hakyeon was already making his way through the hallway, brushing his shoulder past Wonshik who stood there gawking. All three younger men looked at Hakyeon as he barked orders like he did normally.

 

“If Taekwoon comes home, tell him to come to the company tomorrow, the producer said he needed to discuss some equipment, I’ll message him too just in case” Hakyeon was stepping into his shoes as he spoke, he straightened after wards.  Glanced for a second at the three of them, his face contained and blank before turning to leave, closing the door softly behind him. It was oddly silent, all three of them were surprised, Hakyeon had acted like nothing was wrong when he simply decided to end the whole feud, he left like he would any other day, but all three of them were aware of the hurt and pain that resided in the leader’s eyes and voice when he looked at them. They knew it wasn’t all back to normal for obvious reasons but specifically because the leader hadn’t smiled his beautiful bright smile when he left and that hung over all three the rest of the evening

 

 

                                                                                                        

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> inhales!
> 
>  
> 
> just one part left before this thing ends i hope, god writing canon is hard, to keep up with all the original personalities careful not to write anything that may not be fit as canon sigh  
>  so tired.   
> kudos are thank u so much uwu. let me know in the comments if my suffering was worth it


	3. and under the moonlight ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy Vixx 7th anni in advance

“He left his phone “Sanghyuk was the first one to speak after the minutes of silence. None of them moved from their places even after Hakyeon closed the door.

 

“How’s he gonna call Taek hyung now” Wonshik spoke, quiet.

 

This had not gone the way he planned, he definitely did not plan to have this talk with Hakyeon the way it turned out, and he really didn’t plan to shout at Hakyeon. That was the last thing he wanted to do, it was the heat of the moment, he knew he didn’t mean what he said even at the moment the words came out of his mouth but it became hard to control the anger now that he was face to face with the older. Maybe calling it anger was a defense mechanism, he was angry, yeah, but mostly he was hurt, he was sad, all he wanted was things to go back to the way they were.

 

It was a defense mechanism. He knew he was over doing it, he didn’t have to get this angry, but something in him snapped. After all these weeks he snapped. The tension and the feelings he was keeping inside refusing to let anyone see or talk to, were finally crashing on him. It didn’t help that Hongbin decided to speak against him either.

 

He didn’t want to cry, when his voice broke and his eyes filled with tears it took everything in him to not break down and crash Hakyeon in a big hug and cry on his shoulder until everything went back to the way it as. He wanted to ask Hakyeon to just forget this ever happened and hold him again. He didn’t let Hakyeon speak, didn’t let him explain, he knew it wasn’t fair but he felt if Hakyeon talked, h would break. He didn’t want to break

 

Hell, right now he wanted to run out, find Hakyeon, he must not have gotten far, if lucky he was just walking home. He wanted to run to the other and told him he was sorry, that he didn’t mean it, he didn’t mean the words that came out.

 

He looked at the phone, then at the door, Sanghyuk had left to his to receive a call, Hongbin was now perched on the couch, starring at the black screen of the TV like it was the most interesting object ever.

 

Without thinking a second time he grabbed the phone, and ran out the door. He heard the calling of his name, by a confused Hongbin but he didn’t turn back, he didn’t bother changing the house slippers into shoes.

 

Ignoring the elevator he ran down the stairs praying in his head that Hakyeon hadn’t gone far, or there weren’t any people outside the building.

 

Skipping two steps at the time he came to a halt at the final flight of stairs, by the sound of a sob, familiar.

 

Wonshik’s heart felt it sank down in a whole barrel of water. He quietly went down the last 4 steps to peek around the corner. The sight that greeted him was something he never wanted to see. Hakyeon was leaning against the wall of the elevator, head rested facing the ceiling. Wonshik stood, frozen, as he wasted the other blink his eyes several ties to make the tears go back. Hakyeon’s hands were clenched loosely at his sides, he was crouching a little, looked like it was taking him great strength to just stand.

 

He didn’t wanted this, he didn’t want Hakyeon to cry, he felt kind of at ease when Hakyeon had simply turned the atmosphere to normal in the dorm, because he knew if the other cried , he wouldn’t be able to hold back anymore.

 

Hakyeon must have heard the littler sob sound that Wonshik let out, he didn’t realize he was crying until Hakyeon straightened to look at his direction. Wonshik hid, like the coward he was, he hid, then he ran; back up the stairs as he heard the footsteps walking towards the stairwell.

 

It wasn’t that he didn’t want Hakyeon to know he was crying, he actually wanted Hakyeon to hold him when he cried, he was a coward, he couldn’t still find the words to say sorry, so he panicked the phone was still clutched to his chest  when he entered the dorm.

 

His eyes were brimming with tears now and for the first time ever he wished he didn’t share the room with Sanghyuk because all he wanted to do now was hide in the pillows and cry or sleep until he felt better.

 

His room was the last place he wanted to go right now, but he didn’t want to stay in the living room either, if h cried he didn’t want any of the members to walk in on him. So he went to the room his legs took him too, and the only place his heart wanted to be right now.

 

Hakyeon’s room…

 

It was the same as always, Hakyeon hadn’t took anything of the furniture, the bed was made, fresh sheets without any wrinkles, the room felt fresh and used, indication that Hakyeon stayed here the previous night. The curtains were drawn, but the street lamp’s light was seeping in from the floral curtains. Wonshik always wondered how Hakyeon lived with such thin curtains that barely blocked out any of the light, but Hakyeon always said he liked waking up by the light early.  Wonshik always replied that Hakyeon was dramatic and liked recreating drama or movie scenes in real life.  Who the hell in the real world woke up at the crack of dawn. Wonshik went to sleep at dawn!

 

The dressing table with a round mirror on top was empty of its usual objects. The creams, the lotions all the skin care and beauty products Hakyeon kept there was now gone. Only a bottle of moisturizer left.  And a few candles…

 

The book shelf on the top of the bed rest was empty of most of its book too, but not completely, Wonshik ran his finger through the books, spotting more than one book he had asked Hakyeon to lend to him to read. Hakyeon had a great taste in books, Wonshik loved reading, but he didn’t know how to pick. Hakyeon had always picked the best stories, novels or well… any kind of book. It was Hakyeon who brought home _Poison._ He was jumping up and down after reading the book, an shoved it in each of the members face forcing them to tread it. And Wonshik still remembered the smile on Hakyeon’s face when Wonshik told him that their new concept was gonna be based off the book. 

 

Just the thought of it brought a smile to Wonshik’s face, Hakyeon had always been an inspiration, even his hobbies and interests were inspiration. The book he brought turned into a concept, his love for scented candles turned into a VCR for a concert.

 

Wonshik was aware he was smiling like a fool to himself as he gently lifted the sheet up to settle comfortably in Hakyeon’s bed. It felt oddly at peace, like a wash of calm went over him as he thought about old memories. He realized that it had been long since he thought about any of his members. It had been long since he actually sat down to just…let himself heal by the little things and memories the shared. A flash of memories went through his eyes, the smiles of his members, the beautiful sound of laughter, Hakyeon’s beautiful shy giggle when Wonshik kissed is nose or pecked his lips playfully , or hongbin’s eye roll when he was trying not to laugh at something Wonshik did and called him stupid, Taekwoon’s face when he pouted to try and get Wonshik to cave in and let him cuddle with a few more minutes before leaving for the studio, Jaehwan’s face when he wasn’t even trying to be cute but he still was or Sanghyuk’s mischievous grin when his eyes sparkled as he explained the carefully planned out prank he somehow dragged Wonshik into helping him with.  Wonshik hadn’t noticed that his eyes were now leaking but he let himself cry, quietly, in the dark of Hakyeon’s room, lighted nothing by  a lavender scented candle until he felt more light hearted.

 

Wonshik never knew about it, he didn’t remember when he fell in love with any of them, and before he knew it, he was standing back stage, the day of the VNL fan meeting, while his members were laughing amongst themselves at the VCR he was looking at them, his eyes shined and smile on his face, and that’s when he realized, he was in love with five most amazing and beautiful people in his life. The most precious possession he had, the only thing he wanted to protect, the only ones that mattered in his idol life, no fans or other idol groups could measure up to the treasure that was his own members.

 

Maybe it should have terrified him, the thought of being in love, or the thought of being in love with five people. But he wasn’t. He didn’t doubt himself when his heart told him that he loved his members, he didn’t try and figure out his feelings or search in his heart for the one of the five he loved. He knew loving more than one person was possible. Hakyeon had told him that way back, when Wonshik had come out as gay, and he was afraid of his discovery, the first generation of their country didn’t take well to lgbt, and he never heard of anyone who fell in love with the same gender before, sure he had seen a few movies but nothing that clear, and when he realized that he was attracted towards the same gender he had freaked out. But Hakyeon sat with him throughout the whole process, explaining everything in detail, telling him it was all normal. Hakyeon wasn’t much old back then himself but he was the leader for a reason, he knew what to do at all time. So he helped Wonshik figure himself out and come to peace with his sexuality. And if Wonshik was to be honest, he never once regretted his first kiss being Hakyeon, first gay kiss anyway; he kissed a girl before, in high school during a game of spin the bottle.

 

Hakyeon had offered to kiss him, he had said “if you like it, you’ll know for sure that you are attracted to men” and Wonshik still can remember his kiss, his mind went into hyper drive, everything was bright an blinding when he met Hakyeon’s lips, his stomach exploded and he heart had stopped. When they pulled apart Hakyeon smiled at him, and asked how it was, Wonshik didn’t answer him back then, he was too out of it, but it was still one of the best kiss he shared with Hakyeon till this day on.

 

The second kiss he shared with Hakyeon as a great one too. When they came back in the dressing room after finishing their fan meeting, Wonshik couldn’t keep it in anymore, he grabbed the first person in reach and pecked their lips, it was Jaehwan. Wonshik still remembers the day, how Jaehwan had stayed still after that, how he was completely silent, had nothing to say for the first time in his life. He wanted to tell them all right there and then that he loved them but it wasn’t the right place.

 

When they made it home that night, he had held Hakyeon by his arms and looked into his eyes for several moments while the other stood still looking at them, Wonshik thought maybe Hakyeon would be confused if he kissed him, because he had kissed Jaehwan a few hours before, but Hakyeon’s imply titled his head and smiled at him

 

“Do you have something for me Shikie?”

 

And that’s when he closed the distance between them to leave a soft kiss on the leaders’. Hongbin shrieked, and then groaned at the action. Taekwoon was the only one not surprised by it.

 

They sat down that night, while Wonshik confessed and Hakyeon helped, that day Hakyeon and Taekwoon had also confessed of loving the members.

 

It took some time for Hyuk and Hongbin to understand it, and sort their feelings but in the end, they were all just a group of friends who were lovers on a good day and brothers on a better one.

 

Wonshik realized his whole face was wet with tears now; it had been a really long time since he thought about stuff like this and it pained him because he had ruined it. They would get better like the always did, he hoped but he wanted it to be now, he wanted Hakyeon to appear out of thin air so he could apologies right now and make it all better.

 

Wonshik wiped his face with the back of his hand. He didn’t get to eat much before so he gathered himself up to leave the room to find something to eat. It wasn’t late, only 11pm but he still made it quietly to the kitchen but came to a halt at the scene in front of him.

 

It was dark in the living room and the only light in the kitchen was the small decorative wall bulbs. He could barely see the detail but Taekwoon stood in the middle of the kitchen, with Hongbin his arms. The elder was rubbing circles in the younger’s back while Hongbin cried into the other’s neck. It wasn’t very vocal, Hongbin rarely cried and he ever cried out loud, he was silent as he sobbed and Wonshik couldn’t get himself to move to leave or to go forward. The former was a better idea, he didn’t want to Hongbin to feel uncomfortable but he also wanted to go to the other and hug him too. It wasn’t hard to guess why he was crying, the same reason Wonshik had cried a few minutes before.

 

As he turned to leave Taekwoon called out to him. He stooped mid-way and turned back. Hongbin had already wiped his tears and Taekwoon looked at him with worry and sincerity in his eyes. His voice was ever so gentle when he asked “are you okay?” your eyes are swollen”

 

Wonshik nodded. The older seemingly knew the reason of his crying so he didn’t want to elaborate.

 

What he did want was to hug Hongbin who was now looking at the ceiling trying to make the tears in his eyes go back. So he did, he moved forward in a few steps to wrap him arms slowly but firmly around he younger’s torso. Hongbin stiffened at the sudden gesture. It took him maybe minute to relax and uncurl his hands to wrap around Wonshik in return. Wonshik buried his have in the visual’s neck as he mumbled quiet “sorry” only for the two of them to hear and he knew he was forgiven when Hongbin tightened his grip on him in return. Even if it was quitter than even Wonshik’s, he heard the other say “sorry” in return too...

 

They didn’t part until they heard Taekwoon’s voice call their names from the living room. Usually Hongbin was quick with hugs and always ended them briefly, but on rare times like toady, he let the other person hug him tight until they let go themselves.

∞

 

The drive to Hakyeon’s place was quiet. It was late, Wonshik suggested they’d go over to Hakyeon’s in the morning or they may meet him in the company. But Hongbin couldn’t wait. He had too much to say and his brain felt like it may explode of he didn’t get the words out.

 

Crying in front of Taekwoon wasn’t ideal. But Hongbin couldn’t hold in any more when Taekwoon asked him what happened. Sanghyuk had told him to come, and Hongbin couldn’t keep his eyes from getting wet when Taekwoon asked him if he was okay, when Taekwoon lifted his head with those soft fingers to face him, it was suddenly too much. It was too much when Taekwoon whispered “it’s okay” to him and he sobbed. It became harder to control the tears when the older ran his fingers in hongbin’s hair. But it all broke when Taekwoon hugged him. Wrapped his warm body around the younger and all Hongbin could feel was the sweet scent of his hyung and the warm heat of his body.

 

 And the kiss he felt on his hair.

 

He was glad…

 

That it was Taekwoon… who found him.

 

He felt so much lighter when he faced Wonshik. He said some harsh words to the rapper, and he was glad he got to say he was sorry. With him and Wonshik, fights never lasted long. They would fight more than any other member would, among themselves, but they would also make up the fastest.  Hakyeon was the first one to call them soulmates. And with each passing year, Hongbin believed it was true more and more. They were meant to be each other’s…maybe even more than they were meant to be anyone else’s…

 

“Do you know what you’re gonna say” Hongbin asked in a whisper.

 

Wonshik pulled to the side to park the car they’d borrowed from Jaehwan

 

“yeah” the older replied, quietly “I had time to think”

 

Hongbin wasn’t sure what he was gonna say, he was never good with emotional displays or serious matters.

 

.

.

.

The made their way to the elevator in silence and neither of them talked in the elevator as well.

 

Hakyeon lived in the penthouse. It was divided into two portions, so there were two pent house apartments on the top floor. That’s what Hakyeon had told them…

 

Wonshik moved first to press the door bell

 

They waited

 

No answer

 

They pressed it again. No answer, and again there wasn’t any answer.

 

Hongbin was shifting in his place as Wonshik knocked on the door calling Hakyeon’s name but no one responded.

 

Hongbin’s was getting worried, the older had no phone and if he wasn’t at home this late, where could he be…

 

“I don’t think he’s home, he wouldn’t avoid us for this long if he was…”

 

“but…where can he be then?” Wonshik asked, running a hand in his hair

 

Hongbin didn’t know the answer

 

 

 

“do you know if Cha Hakyeon, who lives in the penthouse apartment, came home today? Or if he went out some time ago? They were both huffing when Wonshik asked the security guard of the complex. He was a middle age man, in uniform and actively doing his job. He borrowed his eye bros for a few second, trying to remember then he spoke.

 

“ah, yes, Hakyeon-shi, yes he came home a few hours ago, I don’t think he left though…”

 

They both exchanged glances Before Hongbin spoke “he didn’t answer the door, are you sure he didn’t go out”

 

“i was here on duty the entire evening, but sometimes Hakyeon-shi spends time on the roof top, it’s a shared roof but he’s grown some plants there so he takes care of them. You can check there perhaps?”

 

The guard said, smiling and Wonshik ran back the way they came from. Hongbin thanked and bowed to the guard before following.

 

 

 

 

The metal gate was unlocked but closed. The two men opened the door to enter the roof of the apartment building. It was large and like any other top floor. It had a nice view of the city lights, the three corners of the place were surrounded by metal railing, with two benches on each side. There were flower pots arranged neatly in one corner. And there was a familiar figure standing there, leaning on the railing, glowing under the moonlight, looking down on the city. It was a cold and windy night but Hakyeon wasn’t wearing anything more than a cotton shirt and jeans. His hair blew with the wind but he remained unbothered and unaware of their presence.

 

Wonshik was the first one to start walking when they spotted him. Hongbin stood there, collecting himself before a few second but joined the other. They both took small steps towards Hakyeon, not being quiet but not making noise either.

 

Hongbin thought Hakyeon would be startled but when Wonshik put a hand on his shoulder and called him, he didn’t move but Hongbin saw his shoulders tense a little, he sighed.  They stood there behind him so they couldn’t see his face.

 

The older didn’t respond at all, the only sound was of wind or their breathing.

 

 

The wind was strong tonight. Hongbin brushed his hairs with his fingers to the back, tucking them behind his ear. Hakyeon shuddered a bit, he was cold but he still didn’t move.

 

Hongbin sighed, he was gonna take the first step after all. Since Wonshik was doing nothing, playing with his fingers looking at his hands.

 

Hongbin took another step, turning Hakyeon by his shoulders to face him. He turned easily. Hongbin suddenly felt weak, he wanted to hug him but refrained, instead he unwrapped the scarf around his neck and gently out it around Hakyeon’s neck. Hakyeon kept looking at his face the whole time, his expression hard to read but Hongbin didn’t look back. Simply worked in silence.

 

Hakyeon turned back to his previous position once done. Wonshik was snow also leaning there looking down. The three of them looked at the cars and the busy shops from above in silence before Hakyeon spoke

 

“it’s beautiful isn’t it, the view…” they both turned their necks to look at him but Hakyeon didn’t raise his head.

 

“I come here whenever I can’t sleep, it was empty s I brought plants, but it still feels empty”

 

He continued after another minute

 

“it’s the same inside, the furniture and clothes are mine but it still feels empty…”

 

Hongbin looked at the leader silently, and when Wonshik decided to open his mouth he motioned him to stay quiet

 

“both of you were wrong, when you said I didn’t tell you because I didn’t trust you, when you said I cried alone because I didn’t trust you enough to let you see me cry” Hakyeon shifted, looked for a second at Hongbin then looked back down again.

 

“if I cried in front of you you’d worry, it isn’t your fault that I have insecurities about myself, fear about our future… I know I should have shared the burden, I know you wouldn’t judge me, but I still can’t, sometimes I can’t run to one of you and tell you all what I’m thinking, because if you knew you’d worry about it too. I don’t want my ark thoughts or fears to be something you worry about”

 

“hyung…”

 

“i trust the five of you more than I trust myself, I trust you with my life. I trust you to catch me if I decided to jump from this roof” Hongbin tensed at the words and Wonshik gasped more at the words than at the confession

 

Hakyeon looked up “that’s how much I trust you” and he smiled, sad, and small. 

 

“I knew you’d stop me from leaving, told me to find a better way but Bin ah, I wanted to go, I wanted to have a place of my own, I didn’t tell you because if either one of you told me _not_ to go, if any one of you cried or pleaded me to stay, I would have stayed, I can’t deny you anything…so I didn’t tell you”

 

“I knew you’d be angry but I didn’t think much if it would hurt you, and I hate myself for hurting you guys” Hakyeon spoke the last sentence and sobbed

 

“No” Wonshik said, turning the other two’s attention to himself

 

‘I was wrong hyung, you don’t have to be sorry, it’s our fault, we are immature, we don’t know how to grow up, we’ve been under your safe wings for so long that when you stepped away, we became scared, I was scared, I was selfish, I didn’t think about what you’d want, I didn’t try to be happy for you, you didn’t do anything to hate yourself so please, hyung, I’m begging you, don’t think like that, forget all that I said, I’m so sorry for saying it, I’m sorry beyond anything hyung, forgive me, I want us to go back to how we were and I want to be happy for you,.” Wonshik’s eyes were wet but he continued “I don’t want you to cry again because of us, please.” The rapper’s deep voice chocked as he took a step forward to wipe the tears in Hakyeon’s eyes and face with his thumb

 

“I’m sorry” he whispered again

 

If it was any other day he wouldn’t do this but Hongbin wrapped his arms around the leader, who was facing Wonshik and hugged his back. Putting his face on his shoulders. Hakyeon was warm, despite the cold, he was still warm like always, warm and soft.

 

He smelled of jasmine scented soup and coffee. He smelled like the cherry blossoms in spring. And the snowfall in winter. He smelled like home. A feeling Hongbin hadn’t felt in a while. He missed it so much, he didn’t realize how much until he was wrapped around Hakyeon.

 

He stayed there without speaking, the words seemed to die in his throat but he felt Hakyeon got his meaning. Wonshik was cupping Hakyeon’s face, trying to control his tears and wiping the silent ones that trailed down the leader’s check.

 

Hakyeon’s hands were warm when he put them above hongbin’s and squeezed them lightly. Hongbin shifted his hands to grab the leader’s and intervene their fingers together, burying his face further in Hakyeon’s scarf.

 

They stayed there for a while, until Hakyeon stopped crying and Wonshik was now smiling, at Hongbin and Hakyeon, looking between the two.

 

“I almost forgot how good it felt when you initiated a hug Binnie” Hakyeon chuckled shifting a bit and Hongbin couldn’t help but groan but he didn’t let go

 

‘Don’t! I’ll step away…” Hongbin warned but playfulness in his voice

 

Hakyeon laughed the most beautiful soft laugh in response that broke hongbin’s heart into pieces. It had been long since he heard the sound of Hakyeon’s laugh, a laugh so bright and soothing, like chime bells or bird chirps

 

“I’m sorry” Hongbin finally said but Hakyeon shook his head

 

“I know”

 

“Let’s forget about it okay’ he asked, turning his head a little to face Hongbin and smiled.

 

Hongbin smiled back.

 

And it hadn’t been cringy or cheesy at all when Wonshik lifted Hakyeon’s face cupping it in his hands and whispered “you’re beautiful in the moon light, hyung”

 

Hongbin hadn’t shied or stepped away from Hakyeon when Wonshik leaned in to press a soft chaste kiss on Hakyeon’s lips

 

It hadn’t been embarrassing at all when Hakyeon responded to the kiss with Hongbin still wrapped around him

 

No

 

It hadn’t been bad at all when he turned his head to peck hongbin’s lips

 

No

 

Tonight…

 

Hadn’t been bad at all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> annnnnnd it's finished  
> after weeks it's finally done.  
> my first fanfic in the fandom after 6 months of stanning vixx i finally wrote for them and it had been a good experience. there were times when i wanted to delete it all but your kind comments helped me through it.
> 
> i want to thank everyone for reading it and leaving your support.  
> i especially want to thank my darling Maddie (whisper feathers) for helping me  
> and i want to thank Starlightowl for supporting my work from day one. thank you so much you were the one who helped me start writing :)
> 
> and that all folks hope you enjoyed it. 
> 
> Venus out!

**Author's Note:**

> forgive me. i'm an ace, and i don't know how to write anything that's more then "and they kissed"  
> thanks for reading. i sweat a lot writing this. too much for my asexual ass. kudos are appreciated :)


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